She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
