The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
