I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
