I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
