worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
