Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
