I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
