I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
