i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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