why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
