I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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