her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
