yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Fuck appropriateness.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
