I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
