There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize