grandma shit on top of the toilet
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
