My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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