Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
