I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize