Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize