i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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