Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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