Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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