Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
