it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
