he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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