if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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