I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
the raccoons are back...
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