I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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