3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
