Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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