Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
