she smelled like a LAN party
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
