The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
