is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize