I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
