have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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