Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
