my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
