Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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