guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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