when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need water and some morals
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
