some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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