Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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