I'm so fucking centered right now
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
