Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize