5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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