16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize