take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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