and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
