so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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