my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
