dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
