went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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