Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize