His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You ate ashes out of my bong
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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