Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
