when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
