It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
