Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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