please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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