I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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