And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
