just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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