Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
