My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
