plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
