..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
