We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
