If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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