Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
