You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
this will be a night to untag.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
