Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
