I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And the cops told us we were all naked.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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