Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize