My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
