have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
