I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
two words...techno handjob
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
