it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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